New Hampshire: Grape-Nuts ice cream
The Granite State may have taken its nickname a bit too literally with this WTF ice cream. Take one delicious, creamy cold treat and then completely ruin it with grandpa's favorite cereal. New Englanders may argue that this adds a crunchy counterpoint to the lush dessert. But the texture (and flavor) of concrete pebbles -- and the chipped filling -- is something we need like buckshot in the back of the head. We just expected more from a state whose motto is "Live Free or Die," like maybe one dessert worth the heart disease.
You think Maine, you think lobster. Strip out their cultural acceptance and there is a certain inherent grossness in the lobster, what with its resemblance to a big ol' bug, but we're not going to march in here and straight-up claim that lobster is gross when lobster rolls exist. But there IS a certain byproduct of cooking lobster that most assuredly qualifies, and it is called tomalley, which you probably know simply as "that gross mushy green stuff." Biologically speaking, it's the lobster's liver and pancreas, and while it's deep with flavor you've likely unknowingly encountered in soups and sauces and the like, some Mainers swear by eating the stuff straight up. Let's just say there's a reason it hasn't caught on as a popular lobster roll topping.
Massachusetts: Marshmallow Fluff
In ye olde New England, classics are typically gut-sticking dishes with hardscrabble roots: Boston baked beans, creamy clam chowdah. Hell, even scrod -- which sounds like the wet bunch in Sully's nether regions five hours after the packy run -- is young, tender fish. But in Marshmallow Fluff -- a creepy white substance with connections to neither land nor sea -- Massachusetts salutes its all-processed American destiny: Literal tubs of the stuff, blindingly white and strangely shiny, are the apex of lab "food." Fittingly, the sandwich named for this sticky white stuff, fluffernutter, could be confused with insider-speak for a porn warm-up. Spackle it on white bread with peanut butter -- two other processed foodstuffs with enough sugar to kill a small deer -- and you've got yourself a straight, sweet shot to diabetes.
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